Most people I know are keen to get into the property market, which is entirely fair, although I can’t help but wonder if they want it more precisely because they can’t have it. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? So maybe that distance between property ownership and the status quo somehow makes the whole …
I can’t believe that King Josiah approved this project without consulting me first. I’m his chamberlain, his majordomo, his go-to for all household needs! I’ve been serving in his position for twenty years now and I still get no respect. If King Josiah had bothered to check with me I could have told him that …
My brother, Ted, won’t shut up about his latest obsession: ketogenic eating. I’ve told him numerous times that I don’t want to hear about his nutritional exploits, especially if they’re informed by something he heard on a podcast. It’s not that I flat-out don’t care; it’s just that I don’t have time to be regaled …
The other day I saw a sticker on someone’s car that said, “My other ride is a dragon”, which got me thinking about how lucky they must be. I didn’t even realise that dragons were real, let alone that you could own them like cars. I’m not really sure why they were driving at all. …
Well, well, well…would you look at the thyme. It’s growing well this year, despite the heat we’ve had over the last few days. Gosh, growing plants without magic is easy. And there I was, travelling from village to village on my broomstick, casting spells of minor enhancement on people’s herb gardens for a small fee. …
Every year I show up the the automotive Christmas parade and forget to bring the popcorn. This year I need to set a reminder on my phone, or something, because they never actually sell popcorn there and that’s a massive wasted opportunity. First year was the one where Santa was missing, so they did the …
There’s a lot of talk about trends in interior design. You know the type of headline: ‘20 Top Kitchen Design Trends for 2020’, ‘New Cabinet Colours Trending this Summer’ and the like. But what about concepts? I want to see a listing of the most fully realised and beautifully executed concept interiors. I’m picturing a …
It’s interesting how the ‘future’ – or rather, the present, which was formerly the future – doesn’t really look like we thought it would. Even as recently as twenty years ago, most people were still picturing the future as having a glossy, artificial and geometric aesthetic. Just look at the video clip for Oops!… I …
I was never particularly good at tending to plants. I had the dexterity required to trim hedges, but that’s another skill entirely. It was one of the few times I was allowed to leave the house, albeit with a heavy disguise: I was to trim the hedges, do the weeding, mow the lawn, plant bulbs, …
I should probably be careful around the sea. As a spooky skeleton, I don’t actually think I float like people do, because there’s nothing ‘inside’ me, if you get the science. No air, no gas; I’d just sink right to the bottom and find a new career spooking cuttlefish. And that sounds a bit boring. …
