The Car ‘Show’

Every year I show up the the automotive Christmas parade and forget to bring the popcorn. This year I need to set a reminder on my phone, or something, because they never actually sell popcorn there and that’s a massive wasted opportunity.

First year was the one where Santa was missing, so they did the parade with one less reindeer and the whole formation ended up veering into the muddy river. After that it was the massive fiery pile-up, and then there was Rudolph going all 80s action hero and unloading that semi-automatic rifle into the air in his emotional distress. So whatever happens this year, should be pretty metal. 

I hear they’re calling in the big guns; the car repair garages in Mornington are sending their best guys, which can mean one of two things. Either they’re just being super careful to make sure nothing happens again (boo), or they’re doing something REALLY stupid and dangerous and they need some experts to save cars and lives (hurrah!). I’m really crossing my fingers and hoping it’s the latter. Just…I really want that to have NOT learned any lessons from the previous few years, attempting to top themselves every single year and crashing and burning, every single time.

Look, I have nothing against cars, or mechanics. To me, this is like an impromptu demolition derby, with the added flavour of the event organisers not knowing that it’s going to happen. So far no one has actually been seriously hurt or injured, so I have no real issue with seeing some very slow car crashes, or people getting angry and ramming into each other (again, very slowly). The people who do tyre repair near Mornington get plenty of work, and from outside their service area. We get a show. The great circle of train wrecks continues. And it moves us all, through despair and hope.

Literally, every year.