Cold snap results

The recent cold snap that has rocked Melbourne for the past fortnight is now causing an increased number of mothers-in-law to flock to strange houses in search of warmer environments.

The 12 degree weather has taken its toll on the in-law population of the Melbourne metropolitan area, with more than 250,000 flocking to the streets in search of heating pads, hot water bottles, and especially working gas heating.

James Spencer, of the National Institute for Heat Research (NIHR) has stated that “these migration patterns are not uncommon in cold seasons such as these. We find that in-laws tend to seek out warmer climates and as such have been abandoning known habits to seek out warmer places. We have also found that recently repaired or serviced heaters tend to attract a larger number.”

Spencer, speaking for the NIHR, has issued a public announcement to all Melbourne residents. “Anyone who has recently had central heating repairs in Melbourne should be on the lookout for relatives outside their homes. Signs include spontaneous gardening, scattered gold jewellery, and passive-aggressive comments. Anyone found with an working heater service should be on high alert for such intruders.”

Recent trends have shown large increases in heating use, as well as even larger repairs and services within the past 10 days. Keeping heating systems well maintained has always been the best advice them running efficiently. Unfortunately a well maintained heater is also a strong lure for in-laws with poor circulation.

The NIHR is still urging people to have their gas heating professionally serviced. Melbourne temperatures over the coming week are set to drop to single digits. With no end in sight for the cold weather, families are urged to stay on high alert.

“What’s most important is the health and wellbeing of our city, and that means you need to stay indoors and stay cool. No matter what the mother-in-law influx is, make sure that you keep your doors locked.”